Shanila Chuer

    I stumbled across a writing and my heart flinched on the first line.  'I stopped wishing to die'.     It's not because of the word die, it's just I can't recall the last time I wish I was dead. I had a rough twenties, life happens and it kind of just got worse from there, you know?     But I am in a much better place now I guess. I used to write all the time ( wish I had saved all of my writings ). Writing made me feel better.  Writing used to filled up holes in my heart.  I  don't know how to write anymore, I guess my heart is now filled with so much love I couldn't fit words into it. I'd trade my words for this happiness though.      Looking back in life, I am very different from who I used to be at least two years ago. I am more aware of how I feel, the good and the bad. I say things that needed to be said and I make sure to make myself be heard if I want to. But I still enjoy keeping things to myself because some t...

      This week was one of those week where I let myself intensely immerse into my own thoughts. I have a long history of killing my own will to live with my own horrible thoughts. It's pretty hard to decide on where to go from there though now that I'm older and have tons of responsibility on my shoulder. I mean there are days where I would want to pack my bags and just go somewhere but I know I'm SANE enough not do it.        And all that has been happening around the world today, I think it's safe to say that my heart is just in a complete mess. One day I'll be up and running and other days I'm just wishing that time would just pause to let everyone breathe, to let me breathe for a second.       For my brothers and sisters in Gaza, I know it's written in Allah's fate, I know it's written in the stars that you will someday be okay but for now I think it's killing everyone that we can't do much. I feel pathetic to be this help...